People disappear. It’s one of life’s mysteries, one I often wonder about.
Sitting next to my keyboard is the contact information for a young man very interested in learning traditional Wicca (the kind I teach). He came with referrals. We had a good conversation. He was enthusiastic. I told him I was sending an application (everyone enters my group with an application). I sent the application. (Actually, the first time it bounced, then I got the right email and re-sent.) Nothing. Never heard again.
The thing is, this happens all the time. In my years of teaching Wicca, I’ve sent thirty applications for every one I got back.
But this isn’t a Wicca thing. I mean, when I think about the dating…! Because this is commonplace, isn’t it? You meet someone, or you’re about to meet someone, and all of a sudden, they’re gone. Poof. Puff of invisible smoke. And following up is mostly useless.
Sometimes it’s even people who have been in your life a while. They stop returning phone calls. You didn’t fight or even disagree. They just stopped being there. And sometimes that’s very sad.
But mostly it’s mysterious. Mostly it just speaks to the vast space between you and me. We think we know each other but we don’t. We reach out to each other, but sometimes we don’t connect. The thoughts in your head are unknown to me, and mine are unknown to you, and the times we really know each other are wonderful in part because they are rare.
Some people hate the Internet (clearly not the people reading this). They think more tech is less touch. But I think anything that keeps us connected is for the good. When I think about why I blog, is it worth it, am I killing time typing “little” things instead of writing the next book, I come back to this. That I am connecting. I have not disappeared.
We’ve had a couple of folks in our group that have done that..some other folks in the group will see from them, bu for us,it’s like they’ve dropped off the face of the earth. What’s up with that?
Oh it absolutely happens. Definitely with the dating, particularly online guys. But outside of that it happens as well.
And I’ve done it. Just disappeared from someone’s world with no prompt. Kinda sucks. But if I leave for a reason, I don’t do that silently. Or if I do, and I’m called on it, I don’t remain silent. To me that is cruel.
Interesting point. I’ve probably done it as well. (I know I’ve done it with online guys.) Sometimes I get to a point with someone where I want to see if they’ll initiate the next phone call, and they don’t.
Makes you wonder if both people think the other disappeared.
I’ve done this. I’ve been in situations where both parties think the other doesn’t want to talk to them or something.
Much of the time, it’s guilt-driven. I put off answering that email or making the call, and then the next time I think of it, I feel guilty for not doing so sooner… and I have to think of something to explain why I’m such a bad friend for putting off the email/call, and I chicken out… and eventually it’s been so long that the guilt just builds and builds… My goodness, I’m neurotic, eh?
About your young man, perhaps something on the app. frightened him off? Or maybe it was just the same kind of guilt thing…
Sometimes I wish that everything in life came with a concrete deadline that I could follow… ^_^
I think your insight into the role of guilt is spot on.