Amanda Marcotte has written an absolutely brilliant “Real consent manifesto.” You should, as the saying goes, read the whole thing.
This paragraph in particular kind of blew my mind:
The feminist concept of enthusiastic consent for sex, or total consent or whatever you want to call it, is such a new, radical idea that apparently it confuses the hell out of people. And it’s absolutely fed by queer politics, if for no other reason than acceptance of homosexuality is basically the acceptance of the idea of relationships between people that aren’t in a power differential for gendered reasons. The notion that sexual relationships could be built on desire and enthusiasm from both parties instead of a series of trade-offs between someone with power and someone without is more radical than I realize a lot of the time.
You know, I’ve given a lot of thought to the relationship between feminism and queer politics, but I’ve never been able to put it so succinctly. This is why, at core, everyone working for feminism is also working for gay rights, and vice versa. And that awareness is crucial to understanding how gender rules are running us all day, every day, without our even realizing it. (But we can realize it.)
WOW.
I KNOW!
I’ll go a step further and say that the reason that straight patriarchal society has such a compelling need to place gay relationships into gendered roles (butch/femme lesbians, pitcher/catcher men) is so that a power differential can still be viewed through a gendered lens.
I love this,it protects folks from abuse while promoting the sharing of pleasure and love.
Personaly I think the more real and healthy loving going on the better.
I am speackless. I will quote Evn on “WOW.”
Okay, not longer speachless.
I have made point, and so has Madonna actually, that it’s “hard for a girl. Its okay if a girl wants to dress like a boy, but it is insulting to think that a boy would want to dress like a girl.” Or a step further, recieve/give sex “like a girl” from a “boy.”
That falls down to comments where it more acceptable to be a “top” or a “pitcher” than to be a “btm” or a “cather.” (Honestly, we vers boys get nothing at all, same with the bi community really).
******WARNING VULGARITY BELOW THIS LINE******
“It’s not gay to get head” or worse “It’s not gay if the balls don’t touch!”
Yeah, I knew a guy who liked to say “pitching ain’t gay.”
It’s all about the power differential. It’s heinous for the patriarchy to envision men ceding power, which is why gay men, especially “catchers,” are so feared. All homophobia is fear of getting fucked, and fear of giving up power.