I was about forty minutes up the road when I realized there was a huge hole in my gut, and I felt like howling into it. I cried a minute. But I was driving. And I’d have had to pull over to succumb to that howl, and I just didn’t feel like it. There’s pain, sure, because it’s a hole. But there’s also no pain, because it’s right and good and what we’ve worked for.
Arthur may end up like me, and stay on his own from the day he first leaves home (which was, for me, a little more complicated than that sounds, but more or less). Or, he may be one of those offspring who keep coming back, into his thirties or later, to rethink life whenever the need is there.
It doesn’t matter. Either way, he’ll never be back the way he was. He’ll never be my kid living here. He might be my adult son who moved out and came back, but that is entirely not the same thing.
So it was time to cut the cord and cuts hurt. That’s okay. And I wanted to howl and I cried a little and that surprised me. And that’s also okay.
Right now, tonight, I don’t know what my life is like. I’m a little confused. But I’ve taken all the right steps and I’ve done all the right things and I’m not empty. I’m just confused. And I may cry some more.
I remember when my brother moved to Florida from NY to go to college.
When he came back, we became good friends, instead of continuing our former sibling rivalry.
I know things will be different for you, some good, some not so good.
Go have the pizza smothered in cheese that Arthur was allergic to
It’s been two months since my son went off to school. I still cry a little bit, from time to time….. It helps to know he is thriving in the new environment.
Some.
But when you’ve been as intimately involved in the development of a child as we (you and we) have, even more so than most parents (IMHO), it’s a big gorram hole no matter how much it seems (is) right.
I was thinking of you and Arthur while I was away on vacation. I was sad for you, happy for Arthur, sad for Arthur, happy for you. Yes, it’s emotionally confusing.
If you feel like crying more, know that I cried with you when I read this.
Blessings to you both.
T