Note: This letter was sent to the Archdruid of ADF and shared with the Mother Grove (Board of Directors) before publication. I include their response at the end.
Isaac Bonewits’s death has been a great tragedy for me and mine. I have lost my beloved friend of almost 25 years, my ex-husband, my former High Priest, and the father of my only child, Arthur Lipp-Bonewits. I have struggled to balance immense personal grief with the heartbreaking loss to the entire Pagan community of a brilliant leader, teacher, scholar, thinker, and bard. More than either of these, I have had to prioritize being a mother, as Arthur, at far too young an age, has not only lost his father, but has gone through the difficult and often frightening ordeal of caring for him in his last months.
Throughout all of this, the kindness, compassion, respect, and support of the Pagan community, including ADF, has been one of the things that has kept me going. That I could look up from my personal sorrow and know that Isaac was being treated with dignity, honor, and love, was a sustaining force through the most acute period of grief.
Imagine, then, my shock and dismay when I learned that ADF was selling DVDs of Isaac’s memorial service.
When Isaac learned he was dying, we had several conversations about the disposition of his goods. He was particularly concerned with his vast book collection, which included many rare volumes. He struggled to determine which books should be donated to ADF, and which would be better donated to a university. I asked him if, under the circumstances, with all the medical expenses, it wouldn’t be better to sell some of the collection. He just stared at me and repeated that he was trying to figure out how best to give it away.
Isaac had a strange relationship with money. He had no problem asking for it, and some people resented that. On the other hand, a big reason he was often broke was that he placed his duty to the community far above his need to earn a living. He believed deeply that the Pagan community should support paid clergy, and should contribute to the financial care of its elders; he believed it so much that he was happy to see other elders being helped financially, even if he didn’t benefit personally. Although he asked for “handouts” (as his critics called it), he was sensitive to propriety. Even at a fundraiser for him last May, he chided me not to be “tacky” about the money he’d received.
Tacky. You know, like selling a DVD of his memorial service.
The majority of the money that ADF took in during 1987 and 1988 came out of my pocket. In recognition of that, I was given a lifetime membership. I am also one of the original signatories of the Articles of Association, and served on the first Board of Directors (Mother Grove), continuing to do so for three or four years. I was ADF’s first Scribe and also served as Pursewarden. I have never identified as a Druid, but I have always believed in the work ADF does.
But not this.
You can say, Isaac wanted to give money to ADF and therefore it’s acceptable, or you can say, Isaac placed what was right and proper and honorable before profit, always, and therefore it’s utterly unacceptable. I knew him very well, and I can hear him saying “tacky” quite clearly in my ear, but I recognize the subjectivity of that. In the end, I can only speak to what I feel is right, and respectful, and kind. To commodify the death of a great man is not respectful. To do so at an event where he was being honored is not right. To do so when his only son was at that event was not kind.
I love and respect many ADF members. I value you. I value our years of friendship. But in my heart, and in my son’s heart, it feels like Isaac himself has been sold.
I hereby resign my ADF membership. May the Gods be with you.
ADF’s Response:
On August 12, 2010, P. E. Isaac Bonewits, the founder of ADF, passed to the next world. Many of our members were unable to attend the memorial service, and many struggled with their own feelings of loss and grief following Isaac’s death.
We were able to release selected videos of the memorial on our web site to aid in this struggle with grief and loss, but many of our members do not have access to broadband internet, and they asked for complete videos, knowing that even though they could not be there, they would be able to release some of the pain and remember again the love they had for our founder.
So we are selling a limited release of the DVD’s created. ADF spent well over $3,000 on memorializing Isaac. We have purchased a limited run of DVD’s for re-sale at $10 each. We are not seeking to recoup the full cost of the memorial: we consider the funds spent on the memorial an offering of love and honor to the spirit of our Founder. In charging for the DVD, we only seek to recoup a fraction of the costs associated with their creation.
Finally:
The DVD should never have been made; $3000 on videography should never have been spent. This was a tasteless decision. I appreciate that they seek “only to recoup a fraction;” I never accused them of seeking profit, only of being tasteless, disrespectful, undignified, and uncompassionate to those for whom this loss is personal. There is nothing in this response to change my opinion.
As someone to whom his loss is intensely personal, I am appalled at your misrepresentation of the situation. I am in contact with other members of his family and we are all fine with both the DVD having been made and with it being sold at a nominal price. His mother is looking forward to seeing it, and so am I, as I do not have a good enough broadband connection to watch it on YouTube. The $3000 videographer’s fee came out of someone’s personal pocket as a donation to his memory, not ADF funds. The nominal price of the disc is to defray manufacturing costs.
You also misrepresent his wishes concerning his library. As both his wife and the executor of his estate, I had many, many, many conversations with him as to disposition of his library and other personal effects. None sounded like what you recount. I was with him every day for the last seven years of his life. You were not. Please do not presume you fully understood his wishes.
We live in a commodified (not a word but hopefully conveys what I mean) world. I have always felt that NeoPagans had different values despite the obvious tendency to buy cool Pagan toys and clothes while being unable to find the money to donate to the care of those doing the work. Yes there are also many who put their money to good use as well. However, I would not have expected that kind of behavior from a major organization like ADF.
I can understand the desire of many to have participated in the service, to want to share in his leave-taking but selling a piece of him doesn’t seem very respectful to me. Did they obtain releases from everyone who might be seen in the video? That doesn’t make it any better, of course.
It makes me sad. And I am sorry that after suffering the loss of a loved one you and yours are subject to this as well.
Phae, I value your opinion on this, and I value your relationship with Isaac. I am not misrepresenting a conversation that I had privately with Isaac, although I don’t doubt that it was only one small conversation and that the two of you shared a much larger and longer dialogue.
The information on the $3000 was given to me directly by Kirk Thomas and he said nothing about it being a donation. Both his personal email and the official statement from ADF, which I’ve included here, state the $3000 was an ADF expense.
I don’t presume anything except that I knew Isaac, cared deeply about him, and care about how his memory is treated.
[…] June 6, 2011 by Star Foster GA_googleAddAttr("author", "StarFoster"); ShareDeborah Lipp: “Imagine, then, my shock and dismay when I learned that ADF was selling DVDs of Isaac’s memo… […]
I would prefer not to go back and forth on this, Deborah, but I can tell you that you are wrong.
Isaac left it to me to care for his official legacy. He had his reasons. I am fine with what ADF has done. So are his brothers, sisters, and his mother.
I regret that it has caused you pain. As a rather obsessive archivist, I can say that I believe future generations of scholars and researchers will be grateful for this artifact.
Since everything I have posted has been about my feelings and Arthur’s feelings, and I have acknowledged my subjectivity, and I am sending an open letter on my choice to resign, I don’t see how “you are wrong” comes into it.
Deborah, you are wrong on your statements of fact. Your feelings are your own, as are mine.
Deborah, Phaedra, et al,
I know that all of us are very hurt in our hearts at the loss of Isaac. I feel that we all have an opinion as to what should and should not have happened. As a child of a man that has cancer and is dieing from it, it hurts me in my heart that anybody would be so angry over how anybody would honor a Father, Lover, Husband, ex-Husband, Brother, Son. I feel Isaac was taken from us, but maybe in the great plan of the world it is what must be. To remove yourself from A.D.F. is your choice, but know that anything that was done by A.D.F. or anybody in this plane was done in love and honor. I for one am sad that you feel this way and I apologize for any hurt we as a people may or are causing you and any of your loved ones. I personally would be happy to see my Dad honored by his community in this manner. But that is my opinion, as this entire note is. I send my love and caring to all that read this and tear up as I have over this. May you find it in your heart to see the significance, for not only the future to see such a Great Man Honored, but for us here in the present that may not have been able to be there for his honoring. I sit here and cry for the loss of Isaac for the hurt this has caused and for my future loss. In my heart I know there was no malice, no intent for money to be made but just an HONORING of a GREAT HUMAN THAT TOUCHED US ALL!
My love to you my friends and may we break bread together and hug in the friendship we all have. just my humble 2cents
To all,
I have no part in AdF or the distribution of Isaac’s property, either physical or intellectual. But it hurts to see a public disagreement and I don’t think, from my admittedly extremely limited personal contact with him, that he would want such a thing to occur.
I ask all of those who have a disagreement about these distributions to settle the matter in privacy and the assumption of good will in, and, for, and of all. Surely those who are his heirs in whatever form can settle this without a public squabble.
Next Year in Luna City,
David K. M. Klaus
As Isaac’s older brother I wish to state that all of our siblings are thankful that ADF documented the memorial service as we were unable to travel to attend the service. I am anxiously awaiting a copy that will be shared with the whole family.
Isaac would have loved the idea of video-taping the service and distributing it to those who could not be there.
Isaac made his decisions as to how his life, death and belongings should be handled and those things have been done well. This DVD of his memorial says a great deal about about the kind of man he was. Let us not take away from his memory.
We pray that the Goddess blesses ADF and help them become even better than they are.
We pray that the Goddess blesses those opposed to the DVD and helps them to understand that others need this.
We pray that the Goddess blesses his son, Arthur and help him to grow into a loving and spiritual man like his father.
We pray the the Goddess blesses us all.
Thanks, Doc. I have stated my piece, I have lots of room in my heart for different opinions.
No blessings for me, then?
Of course. We pray that the Goddess blesses you too.
The Goddess comes into and passes through our lives everyday in every way. We must only listen for Her whisper. As Her priestess, surely you knew, he was one of Her’s. I have no doubt that Her will, will be done in this matter as it is in all things.
Blessed Be
Absolutely, I agree, Doc.
Isaac has developed a new way of communicating with me now that he’s gone. He hides things in my house when he’s displeased. They come back when he’s pleased.
If my letter angers him, I fully expect my toaster oven to disappear. It’ll make breakfast complicated, but I’ll get the message.
And regardless of any petty this-and-that, the Goddess blesses all of our lives, and embraces our worship, and weeps with our grief. Without Her blessing, where do I find the strength to stand up and say what I need to say?
I suspect that Isaac is not hanging around to show you his displeasure. I think you might have Nissis. That is what they do. But; how did you get mixed up with Norwegian little people?
Blessed be
[…] Isaac Bonewits Memorial DVD Controversy: Back in August of 2010 Ár nDraíocht Féin (ADF) held a special memorial service at the Summerland Gathering in Ohio for their founding Archdruid Isaac Bonewits who passed away on August 12th. The memorial service was captured on video, and placed on Youtube so those who couldn’t be there could see it. Since then, the ADF has made a DVD of that video footage available for purchase, a move that has upset Bonewit’s ex-wife Deborah Lipp and their child Arthur. […]
I was privileged to attend the memorial service. It was powerful and beautiful and everyone involved should be commended for such a moving tribute..
I’m personally somewhat appalled the DVD is being offered for sale. It’s also amazing to me someone paid so much money to have it videotaped “professionally.” I’d have done it for free on my Flip video camera, and posted it online. To say it’s being offered for sale “to defray costs” is suggesting that was the plan all along, which feels very wrong. Film the memorial for those unable to attend, by all means. But to sell it when it is so easy to produce and distribute such a thing for little or no cost? Why?
If Phaedra is the executor of the estate, to whom did he bequeath the legal rights to the use of his image? This does not automatically accrue to the executor.
Did ADF acquire the rights to use his image for this event only, or in perpetuity? Was this committed in writing? Is this property now public domain (i.e. may *I* make a video of Isaac, and begin selling it?)
Its not clear from the above whether Deb is speaking as owner of the property (and offended about its use), or simply from a personal standpoint. Phaedra’s response does not indicate her ownership of the property, only her status as executor. Can this be clarified?
Allow me to be clear. This is not a legal statement. I am an ex-wife without legal standing. Phae is the executor.
This is a personal statement. As founder of ADF, a lifetime member, and a former member of the Mother Grove, as well as someone who loved Isaac, I am making a personal statement about my strong feelings regarding behavior I consider unseemly. I don’t believe there’s anything in my original letter than implies this is meant as a legalistic statement.
To be further clear, a number of people have responded by saying that, it’s terrible how Pagans think we shouldn’t charge money for things, and it’s okay to recoup costs, etc. etc. I am the former Pursewarden of ADF. I fully support charging money for things.
But I think we can all agree that there are some things that should not be sold. Even if we disagree about what those things are, even if you think that selling this DVD is appropriate, I think the principle is something everyone understands. Some things are not for sale.
I posted an open letter as a matter of principle, and out of love for those involved, including, first and foremost, my son, as well as Isaac and ADF.
I hope this clears up any confusion.
Thanks Deb. I’m still missing something though – Executing the will does not equate to ownership of the rights to the image/likeness – those are seperate things.
Were the rights to the image made to be public domain, or were they bequeathed to phae? This isn’t about who the executor is, but to whom the executor transfers those rights.
May others make/use/sell similar products? If this isn’t clarified, then it can be used as precedent.
Since I am not the executor of the estate, I am the wrong person to ask. I have no knowledge of any of that, and it’s none of my business.