Melissa and I chose a still-life wedding cake topper. It’s custom-made and I’m very happy with it. Looking for toppers was frustrating. Yes, there were same-sex options, but they were mostly pretty, skinny, blonde same-sex options, and it wore me out.
Anyway, now I’m looking at cake designs that can accommodate large toppers, and I noticed a trend: He’s a person. She’s a bride.
He’s a firefighter. She’s a bride.
He’s a sailor. She’s a bride.
He’s an athlete. She’s a bride.
He’s military. She’s a bride.
He’s a superhero. She’s a bride.
Mostly these are custom-ordered, it’s not an imposition of sexism from the outside. We all live in a patriarchal culture, one in which “bride” is the expected end-goal for a woman. And yes, the trope has changed; we’re allowed to have additional goals. But we’re still supposed to have this one, and it has the potential to erase our personhood.
I also found plenty of toppers where both people had some kind of occupation (hobby, job, or whatever), although none where the bride had an occupation and the groom did not. Grooms are people. Their end-goal is not “being a groom.”
But “being a bride” as a substitute for “being an interesting person” is a component of the patriarchy, and these toppers (which were probably chosen by the bride, let’s face it) are a symptom.
