Deborah Lipp

I’ve been having an interesting exchange with Ben in the comments section of another post. One issue that came up is the idea of blaming men for the patriarchy. Ben said:

Or to put it another way, that may be your experience of men, sweetheart, but I’m sick of getting blamed for the bad apples. Do I blame all women for Jessica Simpson?

And I said:

Get over yourself. Of course women get blamed for Jessica Simpson. Of course women are assumed to be going after the ring, or trying to entrap, or whatever. It does no good, in any political discussion, to sputter “But I’M not like that! Not me! Not me!” It furthers nothing in a discussion of racism to say “But I’m white and I’m not racist” or in a discussion of feminism to say “But I’m a man and I don’t do that.” It may be very true, and very heartfelt, but it doesn’t address the larger social issues.

Now, men are a big part of my life. For one thing, I date them from time to time. For another, I have a son. So the place of individual right-thinking feminist males in the patriarchy, and in feminism, is an issue of great interest to me. (And to Ben as well, I suspect.)

Well, Shades of Grey found the perfect Twisty quote to explain the distinction between wonderful men like my son and (I have no doubt) Ben, and the patriarchy.

See here. The patriarchy I blame isn’t people, it’s a system. It is a hierarchical system of dominance at the gilded pinnacle of which pink-faced male captains of industry luxuriate, and at the rat-infested bottom of which poor brown women die screaming in filth and penury. In between are sub-hierarchies, but one constant obtains across all class, cultural and geographical lines: within any given hierarchy, women are consistently relegated to the lowest possible status.

See, it’s a system. Not bad apples. Not good apples. A system that victimizes from top down. And if, in fighting that system, we sometimes sound like we’re blaming individual men, we can only (a) ask your indulgence and (b) see if rephrasing is in order.