Deborah Lipp

Back in 1998 I visited Australia for a month (Queensland to be precise). We visited a zoo, and this particular zoo had all the pervy animals in the country all gathered together.

I still don’t like to talk about the sexual assault by the emu. I mean, I know it’s just a big bird, but it was a big bird that made inappropriate advances upon my person.

Then there was the horny kangaroo, who did not assault me, but chased the rooey ladies about the enclosure, as a result of which “horse” is no longer the word I think of to complete the phrase “hung like a…” Golly.

But I know my audience. You all want to hear about the lesbian peahen.

Peacocks and peahens wander freely about the zoo. As they do so, they engage in sexual display behavior. Your basic sex play among peafowl is, the male opens his big fancy tail and thrusts his butt upward to make it look very fine indeed (peacocks would wear high heels if they could) while the female feigns disinterest. Parade thrust parade, snore yawn snore.

Sometimes two or more males would be parading and butt-thrusting in front of a group of yawning females. Peahens would scratch their armpits if they could, just to complete the picture.

Now I’d noticed this one peahen earlier. Let’s see…what’s a good name for a lesbian peahen? I’m thinking Darla. So Darla is wandering around in a very aggressive manner, and chasing other peahens, and generally behaving rather peacockish. Kinda butch, our Darla.

So there we are, watching two peacocks parading and preening in front of a group of peahens. And up comes Darla, who goes over to the peacocks, turns to face the peahens in parade position, and starts thrusting her butt. This is somewhat amusing because peahens have stumpy butts. But clearly she was moving exactly the same way as the males, and she was spreading what few tail feathers she had, just as if there was a fancy display bursting out of buttland.

I ran and got the people I was with so they could see it for themselves, because I knew no one would believe me unless I had witnesses.

So here’s to you, Darla, wherever you are. You’re a testament to the diversity of nature.