Deborah Lipp

Personal ad sites try to show you ads that are matches when you log on. You say, “I’d like someone within 50 miles of my Zip, within 8 years of my age, with the following characteristics” and every time you log on they show you someone.

So okay, I got shown one that I didn’t like. The picture kinda creeped me, the text wobbled between smart, self-important, and bizarre, and the goal of the person was to create a poly group, which is something I’m not seeking.

Moving on, I see another ad. No photo, very brief text, but a little interesting, Wiccan, like that. I send a non-commital note: “It seems we have some things in common. What do you think?”

Guy writes back, saying he has two ads and suggesting I might like to learn more about him by reading the other. Sure enough, the other ad is the creepy one. So, polite note back, because after all, I’m the one who initiated contact: “Thanks, but this isn’t what I’m interested in. Best of luck to you.”

This is supposed to be the end.

But no! I get a note that very night, “Don’t run away so fast! This lifestyle has many wonderful blah blah advantages blah blah spirituality blah.”

Last response, I promise myself, but just so annoyed that I couldn’t resist: “I am not running away, I am politely saying ‘no, thank you.'”

And he responds again. And again, taking my inventory all the fuck over the place. I might change my mind if I knew more about it (mind you, he never asked if I already knew), I should reconsider, blah blah blah. I blocked him.

So here’s the thing. Why should I get involved with anyone who won’t honor my boundaries? Under what circumstances would it be sane to meet a stranger who has already proven to me that he doesn’t respect a “no”?

I moved this post from “miscellany” to “feminism” because y’know what? Honor the fucking “no” asshole. That is feminist. “Even though” I’m a woman, I get to have a voice, and that shouldn’t be so surprising.