I know. What is wrong with me? I am addicted to the show and love watching it, and at the same time, watching it makes me think about these things.
So there was this one that I saw where people were nominating themselves, and they made over this woman who was petite and dressed like a schoolgirl. She was 26 and she looked 12. And she knew this was her issue but she didn’t know what to do about it. Which totally reminded me of what I said about “It takes a village.” I mean, where were her friends or family? Was there no one she could ask to go shopping with her? Okay, I get that being on TV looks fun, professionals are better at it than amateurs, and five thousand dollars rocks. I get all that. I also get that we are a profoundly isolated culture and that television professionals feel like our friends. Instead of, y’know, having friends.
In comments in my previous post, Roberta questioned how much anyone would welcome unsolicited advice. Which is a point, but here was a woman who actively sought out the advice, and apparently had no one to seek from except the people on the TV.
And then there was this other episode, and it reminded me of my first post, about how people seem to want clothing and consumerism to heal them. This woman had nothing but hand-me-downs, tons of them, and after the garbage can session she cried and said that having a lot of clothes and a very full closet made her feel safe.
Don’t get me wrong, these clothes were awful. But in what way is buying nicer clothes going to address her need to feel safe?
I am going to stop promising that my WNtW blog is coming. It still might, but it hasn’t yet.
You’re right that we don’t have a village. Two-way don’t have a village; not only will they not volunteer to coach us, but we won’t solicit much coaching. We may have girlfriends that we can ask “do I look okay in this?” but do we have a girlfriend who we can approach with… “I am dressing all wrong and don’t know what to do. Can you help me?”. That’s a lot to turn over to a friend, and ever since Springer, America seems to feel that doing it on national television is less intrusive than doing things one-on-one.
But there is something to the undisputable (although not always 100% dead-on) quality of working with professional stylists. To go from really really bad to a little bit better doesn’t compare to what these people walk away with. They have been fully trained, with new eyes, and a confidence boost to ride on.
As for the healing issue, I see two sides of this. But please hold; I have to get back to work :- )
And FURTHERMORE!
The healing issue…
On the one hand, I totally agree with you. I saw an old one the other day (marathon) and the woman was a mother of three young kids who wore nothing but message t-shirts and jeans and to me she just felt like a skanky bar-drunk-tramp girl. She flat out said that she dressed too young because she missed high school and her 20’s. So in this case it was clear that the way she dressed was a symptom of a larger set of issues. I don’t see that stuff getting better… but I don’t know, at least in her case, taking away that crutch will likely not particularly make things worse.
But… sometimes you just need a push toward healing, to set it in motion. I saw an epsiode where this young woman cried because she did not want to come out of the dressing room in a somewhat revealing top. It was heartbreaking. What will happen with her? Well, she did come around, let herself live a sexier life. She got, accepted, and eventually embraced permission to do so. Maybe this scratched a surface that sends her to therapy. But if not, I didn’t feel like this step forward would have negative results in her life.
A makeover won’t give a woman more hours in the day, but it can lead a her to taking ten extra minutes every morning, just for herself, that she wasn’t taking before. That’s a gift. The show is teaching you to be as beautiful as you can be because you deserve it, and you deserve the attention that comes with it. What does every self-help book say about how to aquire self-esteem? Act as if you have it. Treat yourself better.
I see it as win/win.
the end by rkl.