Blessed Imbolc

May the three fires of Brigid: The fire of the body, the fire of the head, and the fire of the forge, be awake within you.

From the fire in the body, may you have energy, healing, and fertility. May your health be robust. May your bodies energies be as bright as the Sun.

From the fire in the head, may you be inspired. May you write, paint, draw, dance, and make music to your heart’s desire. May creativity flow freely.

From the fire in the forge, may you be skilled in your crafts. May you be adorned by beautiful jewelry, may your steel never break, may work be rewarding.

Blessed be.

Witchtalk Radio

Now, if I had any sense, I’d have posted about this before it happened, so y’all could have listened live, but here’s my appearance, from this afternoon, on Witchtalk Radio with Karagan. We talk mostly about Wicca, but at the end, we do get into James Bond as well.


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Blessed Solstice

Do you ever wonder where the soul resides? Do you think it's comfortable there..?
Creative Commons License photo credit: gogoloopie

On the longest night of the year, we await the dawn.

The celebration of the Winter Solstice is the celebration of hope. In the darkness, we await light. We expect, anticipate, pray for, and believe in, that light.

Our human scientific knowledge has known for a very long time that the light would return. Certainly, by the time we were able to measure the astronomical phenomenon of solstice, we were able to understand that at the end of the longest night, the sun would rise. And yet, for all these centuries, we continue to await the dawn of the day after solstice, ending the longest night. Because it is not science that inspires us to believe the sun will rise. It is hope. It is the human spirit. It is our ability to look into the darkness and say “I see that light will come.”

I see that light will come.

“Yule” means “wheel.” We believe the wheel will turn. We believe that our dark nights will turn into bright dawns, and our cold winters will turn into warm springs. We believe.

It is faith itself we celebrate, lighting a single candle rather than cursing the darkness.

May your wheel turn. May your darkness end. May your dawn arise bright and glorious.

Blessed be.

The intrusion of nature

I was riding to work and a leaf landed on my windshield.

Just that. Just, I was in a car, on a heavily-trafficked road, at a stoplight, commuting. I was all the things that aren’t about nature, and aren’t about the Gods. I was not thinking. I was not in sacred space, either in my mind or in my body.

And a leaf, a big brown leaf, landed on my windshield, exactly at eye level, and said “Look at me, I am nature.” Yes, leaf, you are. I looked.

Yes.

Adventures in Customer Service Follow-up

So, the Avenue wrote to me, very promptly, and showed me their “wide calf” boots on their website. They are 15″ in circumference. By contrast, Torrid’s are 18-20 inches. I bought at Torrid. Today I discovered Evans. They offer extra wide and extra wide-calf boots, but they don’t give specific measurements.

Meanwhile, I haven’t been watching many movies. I was away. But my next movie after the Prince of the City fiasco was fine. The next movie after that, however, was cracked down the middle. They really seem to be sabotaging their DVD collection.

Blessed Samhain: Honor the Ancestors

Here’s what happens: At some point when you’re young, you face your first terrible, unexpected death. Some people, it is true, are born or raised in tragic circumstances, and death surrounds them: Iraqi children right now don’t know their first experience with death, because it is a background to their lives. But in more normal, more privileged circumstances, we recognize a moment as shifting things for us. My beloved, adored grandfather when I was nine. My father’s close friend when I was 16 (the friend was in his late 20s or early 30s; he died in a bizarre mountain-climbing accident). My fiance when I was 24.

We carry those dead with us. They are a personal photo wallet; we bring them to our dumb suppers, and we can allow them to change us.

And people keep dying. People we love, people near to us, people we admire from afar. People who are very old, and for whom death was timely, people for whom death was tragically young. Illness, accident, suicide, murder, war…death piles up.

And then, you are no longer young, and the people you carry with you are legion. It’s not a few photos in your wallet anymore, it’s an album.

This isn’t a terrible thing, this is nature. At Samhain, when we cast the circle, we are Between the Worlds. On the day when the veil between living and dead is most thin, we share our circle with beloveds on both sides, and if we are blessed, both sides are more crowded than we can accomodate, because our love is so big.

There are more people I love than would fit into my circle. Just among Pagans, just among people who might, potentially, have made it to ritual this weekend, there are more people I love than the room we used would accommodate. That’s a lot of love.

And among the dead? There were more whom I love than I had time to name. More than I remembered to name. More than I can count. My honored dead were with me, beloved, wept for, missed, and celebrating. I am sorry, so sorry, for the losses that came too soon. But I am happy for the love.

A letter to The Avenue

Dear Avenue:

I am your ideal customer: A plus-sized woman (22) who loves clothes and loves to shop. Today I left your store unable to buy anything, frustrated, and a little humiliated.

You have been advertising a big selection of fall boots. I was excited! As a big woman, I am unable to fit my legs into standard boots, so boots at The Avenue, made with me in mind, sounded like just what I wanted!

Your boots are not made with me in mind. Your boots are not wide-calf. They fit a larger, wide shoe-size, but a standard calf. I tried on 3 pairs before I figured it out, and then the people in the store didn’t believe me.

Plus-size women ALMOST NEVER have standard-sized calves. We have PLUS-SIZED calves. Go figure.

The store manager told me that wide-calf boots are a “specialty” item. Guess what? Plus-sized clothing is a specialty item. You are a specialty store with a specialty clientele, and you should be servicing that clientele.

The floor clerk suggested I try on ankle boots. Really? I have a CLOSET FULL of ankle boots because I can’t buy the full-height boots I crave.

You didn’t have a single pair of full-height boots in the store I could buy. Not one. Because I’M TOO FAT. I come to stores like The Avenue because I don’t want to feel excluded for being too fat. I could go *anywhere* and feel excluded for being fat; I don’t come to *you* for that.

You messed up, Avenue. I’m disappointed.

Netflix hates its customers

When Netflix announced all its changes a couple of weeks ago, people said they were deliberately trying to kill their DVD business, starting with the incredibly stupid name. And y’know, that conversation was fun and entertaining and I sort of thought it was humorous: Oh, look, we’re killing our own business on purpose.

Now I’m not so sure it’s a joke.

First of all, the last two discs I’ve received have been damaged and unplayable and needed to be replaced. My prior history of damaged discs is: One in October 2010, one in October 2009, one each in July and March of 2009, one each in 2008, 2007 and 2006. In other words, damaged discs since the announcement equals MORE than damaged discs in 4 of the past 5 years.

Second of all, let me tell you about Prince of the City.

Prince of the City is a 1981 movie that is not obscure. It was Oscar- and Golden Globe-nominated. It was directed by Sidney Lumet. It has a 94% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It was highly recommended to me so I put it at the top of my queue.

It’s a two disc set because it is VERY LONG (167 minutes, which is like, days). We watched disc one, popped in disc two: Unplayable. Damaged, scratched, skipping, dreck. So I reported it damaged and shipped it. When my replacement arrived, we sat down to watch and discovered they’d sent disc one. Aggravated, I went to the website to report the mistake, but now the website didn’t say “Disc One” and “Disc Two” as it had before, now I could only report “Prince of the City.” I did report it, but I wasn’t sure that actually worked, so I phoned.

As always, the rep was very nice. I explained the issue and he said he’d make sure disc two was sent. Then he put me on hold and came back and said disc two isn’t available. “I hate to be the bringer of bad news,” he said. It’s “rare” and “out of print” and the damaged one I had must have been the very last copy. Why, I asked, did you send me disc one if that was the case? Did you think that would help? Do you know I’ve seen HALF A MOVIE?

He didn’t offer to find it from another shipping location. He didn’t offer a free month or a free day or a free anything. All he did was commiserate. And I’ve still seen half a movie. Half a LONG movie that I’ve already invested a lot of my life in.

Meanwhile, my Netflix queue shows that my disc was “reported mislabeled.” It was not. It very clearly said “Disc One” on the envelope and the disc. Apparently, they purposely sent me the half of the movie I’d already seen, imagining that somehow worked as an effective substitute. And, my queue also tells me that disc one is again on its way to me. Oh, goodie.

Netflix, please, just set your warehouse on fire. It will be easier.

Return to Me

I acknowledge that I’m a crazy cat lady. It’s not unusual for a Witch. I keep it toned down and have never had more than two cats at once, but I have unreasonably passionate relationships with them. I choose to confine my cats to the indoors. There are pro and con arguments, but indoor cats live longer, aren’t prone to fleas, and don’t catch Feline Leukemia.

I had Watusi for exactly four years. She was an extraordinary creature. She kissed on the lips. She called the Quarters in ritual. The down side of indoor cats is if they get out, they aren’t good at coming back home. Arthur inadvertently left the door open and we never saw her again. It broke my heart.

The very weekend we lost Watusi, my friend Mary showed me the kittens she was giving away. I ultimately took two: Mingo and Fanty. Fanty is not a favorite: She’s skittish, nervous, demanding, and a crier. But Mingo was extraordinary. He didn’t like calling the Quarters, and had no interest in the ritual setup, but the minute you announced that a spell or trance was about to happen, all of a sudden, from nowhere, he was underfoot or in your lap. He was a wonderful lap cap and a good cuddler, and he comforted Arthur through a prolonged illness.

Mingo, too, lasted exactly four years, escaping through a screen door we didn’t know was broken.

I lived two months with Fanty, a needy animal I don’t much love, before bringing home Callisto.

Who is extraordinary. She has no interest in magic or ritual, but she gives love like a Priestess of Ishtar. She is soothing and kind, loving and sweet. She holds hands. She tucks herself under my arm to sleep. She follows me like a German Shepherd. She is my one-eyed angel.

I’ve had her for just over a year. I dread the notion of four years. I dread the thought of losing her. I’ve done binding magic; sprinkled my life force into her food, woven spells about her. Still I fear.

This week was her annual checkup, and I had her microchipped. I’d never discussed it with a vet before–the vet never brought it up, probably because I have indoor cats. I had imagined it was very expensive, but it isn’t at all. It was painless and took no time at all.

Doing it, I choked up. I don’t have to lose her. I don’t have to lose her. I don’t have to lose her.

Loser

In preparation for my trip to Brazil, I’ve been studying Portuguese.

Last night, I was fascinated to realize that the verb in “to lose weight,” the verb in “to lose a game,” and the verb in “to be lost” are all the same (peder). Okay, sure, they’re all the same in English too, but there’s no inherent reason for a language to make the opposite of gain, the opposite of win, and the opposite of find the same word.

Fascinating.