Deborah Lipp

The phrase “the elephant in the room” appears to have originated in the 1950s, and was popularized in addiction recovery literature. It’s the big, important thing that no one talks about. In recovery literature, that thing is alcoholism, and it’s often used to describe alcoholic family systems: There’s an elephant in the living room. We can talk about the odor, we can talk about the poo, we can talk about the broken furniture, and wonder aloud why all these things are happening, but we cannot talk about the elephant in the room. So: we can talk about Dad’s violence, his unemployment, his need to sleep in on Sunday mornings, but we cannot talk about the drinking.

There’s another phrase, “the 800 pound gorilla.” It has a completely different meaning and origin. It originates in a silly joke: Where does an 800 pound gorilla sit? Anywhere it wants to. The meaning is something so big and scary that you just have no choice but to give in to it. It’s a lot like “Let the Wookie win.”

But lately, I hear these two phrases conflated, and then you have “the 800 pound gorilla in the room.” There’s even a commercial about it now.

It’s driving me crazy.

Crazy.

There are two different phrases people. Two. Get it together!

That is all.

I was having dinner with my family, and we were talking about blogging (yes, over a family dinner), and I said: “I guest-write on a blog…”

And two or three of them asked “What did you guess?”

“What?”

“You said you guessed right. Guessed what?”

“No, I guest-write. I am a guest-writer. I guest-write.”

“Oh!”

I had no clue I was saying something confusing.

I saw a sign on the way home that said “Live Karaoke.”

As opposed to…?

I turned on the TV and was roaming through my DVR menu, with a show on in the background. Apparently it was Ghost Hunters on SciFi, which is about these “paranormal hunters” called TAPS.

Anyway, the guy was explaining what was going on in some haunted house or whatever, and he said it was a little of this, some of that, some of the other, “It ran the whole gambit.”

Yeehah! That’s the best one I’ve heard in WEEKS!

“Mowing Ahead” is, if anything, weirder than “Men Working in Trees.”

But the grass looks nice & trim.

Brady’s “Fox Hunt Inn” (complete with quotations) is a restaurant not far from my office. I’ve never been inside, but the other day the deli’s parking lot was full, so I parked at Brady’s and walked over.

It was like I was in Language Hell. And Restaurant Hell. And Restaurant Language Hell.

First of all, the quotes around “Fox Hunt Inn” are confusing, but perhaps not fully unnecessary. Perhaps there was once a place called Brady’s that was known colloquially as “Fox Hunt Inn.” What that place was doing in Bergen County, New Jersey defies logic, but just suppose. It has thin but real plausibility.

Around back, in the parking lot, the sign says (among other things) “Great Food!” Now that bothers me. The quote marks are not only unnecessary, the phrase itself is beyond insipid. It’s as purely generic as if it just said Food. Or, y’know, “Food.” I imagine a restaurant reviewer somewhere saying that Brady’s has “Great food” and the proprieters thinking, “Wow, fab pull quote, but let’s not attribute it to a real reviewer because we might get sued.”

I spend too much time thinking about these things.

Finally, as I was walking back to my car with my gyro, I noticed the sign out front with today’s selections. They included an Enchilada Special and Sweet & Sour Pork. And now I’m mad. Brady’s “Fox Hunt Inn” should have fish & chips, bangers & mash, and Yorkshire pudding. Not, I repeat NOT enchiladas. What is the world coming to?

“I weather-proofed the hat, too.”

Me to co-worker: “I wasn’t just tired, I was road trip tired.”

Pause.

Me: “I bet you didn’t know “road trip” was a modifier.”

Co-worker: “It is now. I am definitely going to use that.”