I have been following the news, rumors, gossip, corroborated rumors, bizarre speculation, and fanboy fantasies on the issue of Who Will Be the Next James Bond for months. Months. The producers refused to speak while the mainstream media and Internet went batshit crazy with wild speculation.
Pierce is out. Then the “Final Four.” Then Pierce is back. Then a different Final Four that doesn’t include Pierce. Clive Owen turns it down. Hugh Jackman turns it down. (The producers are so stingy with money and points {percent of take} that no one really “name” will sign on the dotted line.) Pierce gives a final, eloquent, kind of pathetic plea that he still wants the gig.
Throughout this, Daniel Craig’s name has appeared and disappeared. Frankly, I never took it seriously until recently. I have only seen him in one movie; Road to Perdition, in which he was persuasive as a small-minded loser weasel with a psychopathic streak. So is that supposed to make me think James Bond?
The condensation of all rumors is that it has been, these last months, a battle royale (forgive me) between Sony and Eon. For those not in the know, suffice it to say that MGM and Eon own equal production shares of James Bond, and Sony just bought MGM. Sony won on the director battle; they wanted Martin Campbell (director of the wonderful Bond film GoldenEye, as well as the sexy and entertaining The Mask of Zorro). Eon didn’t want to pay Campbell’s price, but Sony sealed the deal.
So maybe it was Eon’s turn. Barbara Broccoli, Eon co-producer with her half-brother Michael Wilson, is said to be a “close personal friend” of Craigs—a phrase that makes my stomach turn if I’m visualizing Craig’s face when I hear it.
Can we be honest here? Bond is the guy men wanna be and women wanna picture their men being. Bond is suave, he is sexy, he is dangerous, he is edgy, funny, sharp. He is Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan. He is not a blond, squinty, red-eyed, acne-scarred, honk-nosed, chinless weasel. Except apparently I’m wrong.
I will now go fall upon my sword.
Cubby is truly rolling in his grave. We can only hope that this is one of those chess moves, that’s so insane, it must be brilliant — and that there is a method behind the madness.
Not as invested in Bond movies as you are, but otherwise I had pretty much the same reaction. He just looks like a weasel.
I’ll say it again: Clive Owen would have been the one. But it’s probably better for his career that he isn’t.
Owen was my second choice after Jackman. Third after keeping Brosnan. Cubby and Dana are rolling together; there must be great upheaval at that particular cemetary.
Very sad, I thought they could do better